Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Green mimosas i think yes
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
