Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize