Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
