My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
