You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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