I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
