Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
She bit a glass in half.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
