how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
