my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He felt like a one man threesome
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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