Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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