chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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