Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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