You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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