We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
