Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
