I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
