Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
