he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize