I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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