Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Come see our sink grown plant.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
