we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
