when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
