You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
