i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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