there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Randomize
