I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
