You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
they're like a gay fantastic four
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
