Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
