So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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