I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
