where am i from again
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I have tasted many bathrooms
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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