this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
