barbara walters just said penis...
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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