I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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