mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize