You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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