im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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