Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The air was thick with penises
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize