If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
