hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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