Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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