it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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