my soul wont recognize me after tonight
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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