he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
