Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
