Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Come share oat with me in your robe
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
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