Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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