Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I wish my penis had an off switch
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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