fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
She needs sedatives and a leash
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
