**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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