okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
