i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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