oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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