i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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