I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
