Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
