Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
be right there i have to get my cape
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
