Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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