just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
