Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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