she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
