The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
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