i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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